Talent Scouts and freak shows

I’m aware it’s been a long time between blog posts – my adoring fan must be wondering whether I’m still alive (she isn’t, I saw her the other day).  I have been incredibly busy, successfully stretching myself thinly in every direction imaginable. 

Hopefully, I’ll be able to cram a few extra in over the coming weeks, as I have seen a lot of things that have fired me up for one reason or another, and I would just LOVE to vent it out in a big splurge over this tiny blog.

Today’s subject however, is something quite dear to my heart.  Which is probably why I die a little every time the X Factor comes on television.

Yep, we’re talking the TV talent show.  The X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, The Voice et al.

The other night (Saturday, in fact), I was pottering about in my mother’s living room.  I don’t watch television in general as I believe it to be broadcasting utter shite for most of the time – There are of course exceptions, but very few, and very far between.  My mother, however, would probably die of television withdrawal – especially if I became Queen and passed a law banning them all.

BBC was on, and the debut episode of “The Voice” had started.  I had read the hype and was marginally interested, but also immensely sceptical.  On ITV, the new series of “Britain’s Got Talent” was also airing.  This is a show that I refuse point blank to watch.

Before I go on, I feel like I should explain a few things about me, and then the shows (for any of you who are somehow not aware of these things…hermits, and the Amish, for example).

I am a musician.  Specifically, I am a singer.  I don’t claim to be a great singer, nor do I claim to be in possession of “The X Factor” – mainly because I don’t know or care about what it is.  I do however take pride in making the decision to further myself on the musical path by getting a degree, and then a post-graduate degree, both of which broadened my horizons to no end, and allowed me to develop as a performer and singer.  I give lessons to people who feel like they need them, and as part of that (and also my own moral code, and the fact that I’m not a nasty bitch), I like to build my student’s confidence and hopefully share an experience that I went through and thoroughly enjoyed.

That’s me.

“Britain’s Got Talent” is a TV talent show whereby contestants are auditioned before a live theatre audience and a panel of judges.  Allow me to introduce them: 

Simon Cowell, music industry mogul, with no *actual* performing experience.  Bases nearly ALL of his comments on first impressions – which is to say, looks.

Amanda Holden, actress.  In all honesty, not entirely sure what she was famous for, but seems to, on the back of BGT, have resurrected a brief West End career?

David Walliams, actor and comedian.  Again, probably the less talented of the Little Britain Duo (both of whom still got bloody rubbish towards the latter part of the series).

And finally Piers Morgan.  Former newspaper editor, fired for FAKING PICTURES OF BRITISH SOLDIERSABUSING PRISONERS IN AFGHANISTAN.  Clearly still riding a wave from some journalistic cesspit, and has absolutely no real talent to speak of whatsoever.

“TheVoice” is a television talent show new to the UK, based on a successful Dutch formula, where a series of “experienced” singers judge a set of blind auditions.  To my mind it seems infinitely more promising than “Britain’s Got Talent” was ever going to be.

The Judges for the UK are:

Tom Jones – who hasn’t heard of Tom Jones?  It’s not unusual….haha, punny…the Welsh Wonder, the Sex Bomb (I shudder to think)….etc.

Will.i.am – Music producer, writer singer, and member of The Black Eyed Peas, you’d think this man has a lot of experience up his sleeves.

Jessie J – Genuinely a rather talented musician, I actually quite like her, although I don’t see the need for the funky cat suits and strange live performance quirks….

And….finally….

Danny O-Donoghue.  Actually not personally sure what he’s famous for…but apparently it’s for being the lead singer of The Script.  He sang at the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize Concert, who knew?  Wikipedia did, that’s who.

So 50% of the judges are riding on the wave created by their band, and the other half actually have carved out (respectively), very long or very short-but-impressive careers (so far).

When you compare your judge line up, it’s definitely promising.

I assented to watch The Voice because I was curious, but within 5 minutes of it being on, Tom Jones had done a shit load of name dropping, and Will.i.am was slanging Jessie J (along the lines of “Jessie J is hot right now.  I’ve been hot since way back.” I paraphrase) as the judges squabbled over contestants like a bunch of children over the last GI Joe in the play box.

Once again, the scepticism I hold for these shows was proved wholly justified. 

Why, you ask?

Well, when something advertises itself to me as a talent show, I fail to comprehend why exactly it becomes a “who’s got the best taste out of the judges” competition.  When these people are picked by a particular judge, be it through choice, as on “The Voice”, or at random, as on “The X Factor”, introduced is a whole new element which is entirely nothing to do with those talented/talentless individuals.  That element is the popularity contest.

It’s not enough that the contests themselves have to win you over with their good looks/charm/sob story (I’ll get onto that in a minute); you suddenly have to factor in how much you like their mentor into your voting decision.

Now….for my BIGGEST peeve with this whole thing.  The Sob Story.  I’m not a heartless individual, I feel for people who have had hard lives/times in their lives.  However, I seriously dislike it when it is used as manipulatively as it is by the production companies involved in these shows.

BGT’s first episode saw a pop/opera duet simply named Charlotte and Jonathon.  Simon is clearly audible saying “As if it couldn’t get worse”.  Simply because Jonathon is a fairly hefty young man.  To put it bluntly, he’s obese.  Of course, because he’s fat, he couldn’t sing.  Yet of course when he opens his mouth, out comes this impressive operatic tenor.  OH MY GOD, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?

Answer: because it *is* in fact possible for someone who is not a stick with a pretty face to be talented. 

Of course the bitchy Simon comment was edited specifically to be heard, in order to create more shock value when his pretty stupid, shallow opinion gets completely invalidated on national TV (and yet, he is continuously worshipped as some sort of weird, pointless demi-god of pointlessness).

This kind of shock-value editing does nothing more than draw attention to the fact that the person providing the talent is being portrayed as a freak, rather than a provider of talent.  It isn’t enough to be good at something, you need look a bit weird (“The Voice” parallel was Toni Warne, a lady with alopecia), or have some sort of tragedy have befallen you…because there seems to be some strange societal opinion that the “normal” people aren’t as deep as the “non-normal” people, thereby further ingraining the mob’s need for the freak-shock factor….

The fact remains that these people would be just as talented if they weren’t overweight, bald, ugly, a bit weird, or beaten up by their poodle when they were seven, and unfortunately, the spheres of “Talent Competition”, “Popularity Contest” and “Freak Show” start to merge into one behemoth of shite.

I’m off to gorge on Game of Thrones….

PS: click here to discover the extent of Tom Jones name dropping (that's right, even the BBC noticed it)